Hello, and…Good-bye, December 2021 Full Moon, Winter 2021, Christmas 2021, and New Year’s Eve 2021…blah, blah….blah!

I was fortunate to have found my Soulmate early in my life. On July 15th, 1990. I was 20, he was 28. He spent the rest of his life with me, which ended, on January 28th 2021, @ 10:11 p.m. An hour and 49 minutes before I turned 51 years of age.

It will soon be 2022. After 1/28/22, I will no longer be able to say that he was here this day last year. He lived only 28 days out of 365 of 2021. They say…the 2nd year, of a love one’s death, is the hardest…if that’s the case…I’m Fucked.

Covid or no covid, Pre- or – Post Pandemic, Endemic…Alpha, Delta…Omicron, and who knows…”Omega”, the “END-emic, to come…didn’t and doesn’t matter personally to me compare to what I witness on the night of January 28th 2021. And, the GRIEF, that followed and keeps on giving, it’s a journey, mine, and unfortunately, all will experience, one way or another…um, Pray…that you go first.

I guess what I am trying to do with this month’s blog entry is to record something I can look back to gage my Grief…of my, “JSS”, yeah, “Walking Dead” “Easter egg” , journey. And, what a Journey…it’s been! It’s maddening, horrific, humbling, one foot-in Life and the other in the the land of the Dead, yours…not theirs. And, you’ll seek their Ghost…even, signs. For how, in my case, how…after 30+ years, POOF!…that’s it?!

I envy a non-Dormant, in the Faith department, human being. That’s me, still..my Faith…dormant. It has not come back, fully. I was at -0% the day after he died…Now, 3%. Better than -0%. Did I ever truly believed????

Yes.

I remember. Thinking…no one, or anything, can change my mind, that there is a…God. Heaven. After-Life. Um, don’t let my blog name fool you, Since the age of…5 years old. what the Hell happened? I hope it comes back. Really, I hope it does.

Well, I guess that’s where , 2021 and I …part company. Another year. Another 365 days that I will be taking it one day at a time. I will say… to myself…Self, Survive. By any means necessary….in my case it will come by filling those 365 days of 2022 by filling the seconds, the minutes, the hours, the days, the weeks, the months, the Seasons…with a “Retreat” of the Mind, body, and Soul…a “ Retreat” experience that will appear , maybe, here in my blog,…perhaps, by doing this…I will find, my Ghost!

Until next time….