He was a Taurus. An Aquarius (Me) & Taurus…we meshed well.
Too well.
So well, he did no wrong, in my eyes. I was an idiot. And, I missed those wrongs, by “Missed” I don’t mean it in the “I miss you, I love you” way. I mean, I was “blind” I didn’t “see” had the “blinders” on, the wrongs that were…wrong. Actions. That could have saved me a lot of heartaches, this Grief…overwhelming sadness at the end. His end.
10 Full Moons now. I thought…ok, Grief, that’s ALL you got? I was doing well in the grieving/ Mourning department. I mean, when the Shock and Awe wears off, the feels come in. They did and they didn’t. I was doing well….so I thought.
This is going to be a short blog entry because I am now in the grips of a full blown depression in the making due to grief and everything that comes with it. So far it’s Full Force from the beginning , middle and…well, I guess I am in the grip of it’s END?
Doubt. It.
I hear it does not work that way. It could take months…years. Forever. To grieve your Soul-Mate. How does one survive this?! Now, I understand the term, “Died of a Broken Heart”.
So, this is how it feels. One foot in the Land of the Living & the other in the Land of the DEAD. Awful, after-math feeling , of having the one person you have seen practically everyday for 30 years, these past 10 months replaced with…this invisible- void space of what was once our life, now replaced with…Fear, anxiety, depression, hopelessness, confusion, overwhelming sadness, anger…Anger? Yeah, anger…wrath…within myself.
I have come to the conclusion that what I read about Grief is that It’s what’s left of LOVE. If I Didn’t love him as much as I did … I would not feel this grief, of missing him. LOVE.
So that’s my November 2021 Full Moon Blog entry. I can’t say it will be my last….
Oh, p.s. DEATH…you suck! YOU TOO,GRIEF!
The Gotham Witch Society 