Missed it, by a week & a day. Blogging, on it…that is.
I almost gave up. Almost. But here I am…a week and a day after the Harvest Full Moon…on the 8 month anniversary, of another Full Moon.
Eight months ago there was a Full Moon, the Wolf Moon.
During that Full Moon I experience such a profound Loss of what was the other half of me. All the Full Moons that followed January’s 2021 Full Moon have come and gone. It’s not the same, I’m not the same.
I think when I can look at a Full Moon without Grief or sadness or visions, images that doesn’t trigger memories of January 28, 2021, around 9:15 p.m. to 10:11 p.m….that’s when I will know that I have reached a point of some sort of recovery…healing.
I remember that night. When I went outside, I thought the ambulance was still there, wasn’t. But, that Full Wolf Moon, was. I wondered if, Michael, saw it. Or, felt it?
I haven’t “felt” one since.
So…in my “grieving mind” I have been measuring my “complicated grief” that comes when you suddenly lose a Life-Partner of 30+ years who shared the same traits and loves and interests and oddities…as in, a Full Moon, and it’s Phases. I mean, he was Fishermen, a Gardner/ Landscaper/ Lover of the Seas and Oceans, a Nautical sort of type of guy. “A Man of all Trades, but a Master of None” he would always say. So he knew how mysterious and essential a Full Moon is.
And, to Die, on a Full Moon, on the Eve of my Birthday….Well, not really feeling Full Moons much as I once did. They are “triggers” now. They take me back to that night, under a Full Moon, A Wolf Moon.
Sad.
A Harvest Full Moon have always been my favorite. Big time! Last year’s was most Excellent! He was here. With me.
There was a time in our 30+ years together where we were separated twice one for three months and the other for six months, not by choice, but by necessity, and I consider that…not bad, for a 30+ years relationship if I say so myself…2011, was that six month, separation. Our first Ever…
And, for those Six months…we wrote letters to one other. He kept them. My letters to him. And, I found them, shortly after he died. Not only those but Cards, too. Cards I’ve given him early on our “Courtship” relationship…Valentines, Birthdays, Holidays…he kept them ALL.
It was not only those letters, but letters he wrote to ME, I found from 2011, were he was very homesick and missing home, me..that he wrote…Well, just lets say, it was about the Moon. He wrote, “We have the Full Moon, and it’s phases, even if we can’t be together, we can look up at the Moon, at a certain time, you & I, same time, and know I’ll be thinking of you, & you of me”.
Those letters mean so much to me. All of them. I can hear his voice as I read it in my head. “Words…& Music”….another story, for another time.
Anyway, I felt bad, not writing when the actual Harvest Full Moon was out and about, so…better late, than never.
Until the next Full Moon….
Oh, I kept his letters, too.
The Gotham Witch Society 