Same Buck Full Moon, Different Year….

1995.

My First Intimate Death.

My Father. He was 58. Died of a different Virus. And, it was under a Full Buck Moon that we learned of said Virus that took him. A different time, a different story for another, you guessed it, time.

Each time around this time of year after July 1995…I, among some members of my family, get the “Phantom Grief” that lingers…starting around July 11, then peaking by July’s Full Moon, until August 4th, my Father’s Death Date…and wanes slowly but surely after…ending, say…August 8th, when he was lowered to the ground. It’s taking some dozen years not to notice, but I Notice. Especially, this time around.

Michael.

He was with me when all that went down, even got me my pure as white as snow kitten, “MaMa”, Gabriel, then…she was the size of the palm of my hand, a powder puff. She helped eased the pain of Grief until she died on 12/12/10.

That first taste of Death of someone close to me, of course , was different. This time around…this Mother-effer of Grief is intolerable. To say I still don’t believe it, it saying it mildly. With my father there was time to say “Good-by”, to prepare, per se. And, I was younger. Who believed in God, and Heaven, and an After-Life.

Six months. 7/28/21 will be six months. Sadly to still report…no Ghost. And, still, my Faith and Beliefs….Have. Not. Returned. Can’t move back, and…can’t move forward. So, still, One day at a time. Sucks!

I was reminded that funerals, memorials, services, burials, etc., etc., etc…are for the Living. You’re Damn right it is! And, I, among his family members, was denied one. I know for a fact…a certain dearly departed, would have wanted one. For us. Not for him, for us. Pardon, it’s my Grief, speaking. Why not…it’s all I have and it’s sticking around. Oh, well…could be worst.

I have much too say but not the concentration to do so. Only, my Moon app…reminded me of tonight’s Full Moon. So, of course…I had to blog!

Anything.

Hey, got a kitten! My sister…found her for me. “Magpie”! “Maggie”. Michael promised me a female black kitten, and her name was to be “Magpie”. And, Maggie. It’s a Rod Stewart sort of a thing….you guessed, another story for another time.

Here’s to hoping, Maggie…will do what my Mama, done.

Hey, maybe….Michael had something to do with it, maybe he….

Until Next Full Moon!